I showed him my bush... on skype.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
