Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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