the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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