It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
