so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
