WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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