can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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