Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
