Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
