I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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