Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
