I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
