He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
