I should be sponsored by Trojan
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All the doctor said was why
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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