At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
