Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
