Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
