How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
