he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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