after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize