i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
