she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
