Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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