I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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