I just made out with a guy for $7.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize