saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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