I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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