Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize