i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i will never coherently bang her
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
