Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
