And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
