Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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