I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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