I think I won the penis lottery.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
