Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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