so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
two words...techno handjob
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
