I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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