If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i came on her dog
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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