no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
