i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
