when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
