I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
