he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
