it was like his penis was on wheels.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
