Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize