We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
