Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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