The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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