i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
