Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
