I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
