update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
