Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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