i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
