When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
