oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I understand Curling. That high.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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