I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
