the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
