I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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