If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
