I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
