my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
