Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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