Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
