1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
