i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
