but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
