the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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