WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
