people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
