I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And my parents said I crawled through the house
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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